About Elderspeak
Elderspeak is patronizing language directed at seniors, often unconsciously.
It is a form of ageist communication in which people speak to older adults using:
overly simplified
overly familiar
or condescending language, tone, or gestures.
It can resemble “baby talk” and is based on the assumption that all older people are cognitively or physically impaired.
Words matter. Let’s change how we talk about aging.
Common Features of Elderspeak
- Exaggerated tone: Sing-song voice, slower or louder speech.
- Simplified vocabulary or grammar: Talking down or over-explaining.
- Terms of endearment: Using “sweetie,” “dear,” “young lady,” or “honey” instead of a person’s name.
- Collective pronouns: Saying “Are we ready for our bath?” instead of “Are you ready?”
- Diminutives: Calling a grown woman “girl” or a man “boy.”
Why It’s Harmful:
- Disrespects autonomy and identity.
- Reinforces stereotypes that older people are childlike or incompetent.
- Can undermine self-esteem, increase social withdrawal, and even affect health outcomes—especially in caregiving or medical settings.
What to Do Instead:
- Use the person’s preferred name and pronouns.
- Speak clearly and respectfully, not loudly or slowly unless requested.
- Avoid assumptions about ability based on age.
- Talk to, not about, or around the person.
What should I do if I hear someone using elderspeak?
Gently educate them. You can say, “She prefers to be called by her name,” or “It’s okay to speak to him normally – he understands fine.”
❌ Don’t Say
✅ Say Instead
Don’t address a person as “dear”, “sweetie”, “honey”, “grandpa”, “young man/woman”
Address the person by name, or in a neutral manner eg. Can I help you with that? Using a person’s name signals respect, recognition, and dignity. Polite neutral terms don’t assume familiarity.
Avoid simplified or exaggerated speech that assumes the listener can’t understand
Speak clearly and naturally—only adjust if asked.
Don’t speak in a high-pitched voice or use baby talk.
Speak respectfully using your regular, adult-to-adult voice.
Avoid assuming helplessness by saying “we” or “us” instead of “you.”
Say “you” instead of “we” to honour their autonomy. Avoid collective pronouns. Replacing “you” with “we” can unintentionally suggest the person lacks competence or authority.
Don’t refer to an adult as “cute” or “adorable”.
Use respectful words like charming or warm instead of childlike terms. This avoids infantilization and acknowledges personality or wisdom.
Don’t say “past their prime” , “over the hill” or “retired and done”.
Say instead “bringing wisdom and experience” or descriptions that affirm continued relevance and value, and recognizes that contribution continues in many forms.
Don’t say “She’s still active for her age.”
Say instead “She’s active and engaged” which removes the element that implies aging = decline.
Don’t say “too old to learn that” or “stuck in their ways”.
Say instead “learning or adapting at their own pace” or similar that reinforces capacity to adapt and grow at any age.
Don’t say ““not as sharp as he used to be” or “he’s losing it / getting senile.”
Say instead “He’s experiencing memory changes” which avoids a condescending tone and reduces stigma around cognitive decline.
Don’t say ““old folks” or “the elderly”.
Say instead “older adults” or “seniors” which is more respectful and person-centered language
Learn more about Elderspeak:
Elderspeak: What It Is and Why It Can Be Harmful. Eldercare Matters. https://eldercarematters.com/elderspeak-what-it-is-and-why-it-can-be-harmful/
Understanding Elderspeak: What It Is and Why Caregivers Should Avoid Using It. AARP. https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/basics/what-is-elderspeak/
Age-Friendly Communication. Public Health Agency of Canada. https://www.canada.ca/content/dam/phac-aspc/migration/phac-aspc/seniors-aines/alt-formats/pdf/publications/public/various-varies/afcomm-commavecaines/AFComm-Commavecaines-eng.pdf
